Disclaimer: This is not an actual letter home. It's a satirical take on senior-in-high-school behavior in the last weeks of school. While there may be some allusions to similar actual events, this does not represent any one single student's behavior. As my younger son used to say, "laugh about it!"
Dear Mrs So-and-So,
I am writing to inform you about some concerns I have had about your son's behavior over the past few days. As we both know, sometimes seniors can get a bit over-excited for the end of the year and they may not always be using their best judgment. Yesterday, your son chose to attend class by climbing a tree outside of the classroom window and insisting that a classmate open the window as wide as possible so he could still hear the class. Unfortunately, when I called on him to answer a review question, he had left the tree and was engaging in a game of frisbee in the teachers' parking lot. While I am sure your son was not responsible for the broken windshield, it is unfortunate that he made the choice to miss class.
Today, your son stood up abruptly after being in class for five minutes. (Mind you, he was ten minutes late.) Apparently he had received a "snap chat" from a friend that students were using a slip-n-slide on the hill outside of the building. While your son informed his peers that he did not want to go down the slip-n-slide himself, he told the class that there were girls in wet t-shirts and he had to, I quote, "get me some of that." He then left the room.
At this point, as we have discussed, your son has not turned in any work since April. I believe that the date of his refusal to complete work coincides with his college acceptance letter. As of today, he has an 18% for the fourth quarter. This puts him in danger of failing for the semester if he does not complete his Unit Portfolio by tomorrow. Since I am aware that he was escorted out of the building by the student resource officer after hurling a half-eaten banana at the Dean of Students during a food fight, I am not sure if he was able to retrieve his textbook from his locker. I can give him an additional day extension, but since he is suspended until after graduation, he would need you to come to the school to pick up his book. Please contact me if you have any questions.
Ms. Bizzy Mama