So I got called out by my friends. This photo in question stirred up MEGA
controversy among the model moms and I got a whole range of “How can you defend
that?!?” to “You would never let your kid wear that!!!” etc. Ok, ok, ok!
I’m going to say that YES, my message came as a result of the photo, but I was aiming to address the responses
to the photo. I don’t like anonymous
attacks on people’s choices. I like civil conversation. I am 100%
sure, however, that IF I contacted the moms whose daughters were in the photo
(and for today’s piece, I DID contact them) I could start a conversation with
them about their choices and opinions that would involve some real sharing of
perspectives. Hundreds of people
commenting on a facebook post is not necessarily civil discourse (but honestly,
having that type of forum is probably better than having nothing and we should be glad as a society that we have the
open communication that we do). Maybe I’m
coming off as a little “holier than thou” here and I really don’t mean to. I kind of sort of really did call people “haters”
and “a$$holes” and that was, um, exactly what I was saying not to do. I am, however, trying to throw down a little
street cred here. One, I’m on the slightly
older range of moms of little kids. That
makes me “experienced” and “worldly” (and old.
Whatever.). Two, I deal with
about 125 teenagers on a daily basis AND their parents AND my colleagues AND my
administrators…and finally, I have been formally trained in labor negotiation
and collective bargaining. I know how to
talk to people and how to have difficult conversations. And if I screw it up? I own it.
But I'm not going to pretend I'm not snarky, karma DOES occasionally bite me in the ass, and if you
mess with my friends (OR G*D FORBID MY KID) you mess with me. So I am far from perfect but I think I can offer some good food for thought.
Anyway, I am grateful for the moms who contacted me allowing
me to use THEIR words here so I can offer a range of opinions in one
place. Hopefully, you find something
that strikes a chord with you – good or bad!
No one here is right or wrong!
But my goal – hopefully – is that we can hear each other without being
unkind. Each paragraph represents a different person's response. I have made a few minor edits for readability.
First, from a mom of one
of the girls IN THE PHOTO:
For me... it was a group of
girls who are friends having fun. People’s perception is what is wrong with society. Yes, I understand the ones who are concerned
because of pedos and stuff but: 1. A pedo will be attracted to a girl in jeans
and t-shirt just the same. Our kids are
out there in the industry. Those girls weren't posed suggestively. And 2,
those same ones who are concerned are the ones in the same breath
shaming the kid. Dancers wear
less than what these girls wore. But people are so ballsy hiding behind fake
names and a keyboard. The whole thing really opens your eyes to how judgmental
people are without knowing a single thing about the people they are shaming.
(Note: I sought
responses from more than one of the moms, but I only received one.)
From some moms who
were really uncomfortable with the photo:
I did not care for the
pictures at all -- I know that art is subjective but when it comes to little
girls in boy’s underwear with vulnerable looks on their faces it gave me the
heebie jeebies and having side butt cheeks poking out from silky shorts just
isn't something I love. I love the kids
and the moms but it just made me feel icky. I just wish the freebie shoots and the free
editorial type shoots would stop. After
reading backstage posts and then an agent’s post about how it devalues our kids,
I vowed to stop them for my girls. They don't need the experience and the
exposure and I think the pic in question is a shining example of that. I have
done plenty of shoots for pics or for clothes but no more.
Those photos were so bad!
And totally inappropriate! True, no one
should say the girls are responsible but the moms are TOTALLY responsible for
anything that gets printed with their consent. I honestly feel that these sexed-up photos of
little girls
-- and believe me, teased hair, hot pants, that Brigitte Bardot-just-had-sex
looking stuff is not how little girls look normally -- is not cool. If I hadn't
known so many of the moms, I would have chimed in IN PUBLIC with my 2 cents
that the photo was tasteless and reactionary and perpetuating a non-norm in an
overly sexualized society.
I think the slut-shaming of
little kids in public is OK. It's the
only way these moms will learn kids shouldn't be dressed like that. I didn't read the comments so maybe it went
too far but that was a bad pic and the photographer and moms should have known
prior.
They need a wake-up call!!!!
Not being judged by others will only
escalate the boundaries they push.
Perception is in the
eye of the beholder:
It's amazing the things
that people dare to say... IMO the problem is where their mind is going, not
what a photographer may or may not be intending to portray.
From a mom who was
uncomfortable but contacted a girl’s mom directly with her concerns:
Regarding the photo
mentioned, I expressed my concern privately to one of the parents. I only have
one foot (or maybe a half a toe?) in the business but have paid enough
attention to know that many agents/clients/photographers are fighting back
against the over-styled shots that make the kids look like mini adults. I figured since I give 2 hoots about the
kiddo in question, I'd mention it, particularly because she plans to pursue the
business long-term and puts a tremendous amount of work into succeeding. If I were not friendly with the mom I would
not have said anything. BUT… I have to say
that I also understand the reaction from other parents who don't know the
kids. I think the more desensitized we
become to such images, the more they become the norm, and yes -- that affects
everyone. Now using some of the
adjectives (and reasoning) these adults used? Um...no. Hideous. Words were used that should never be
used to describe a child and those folks should be ashamed of themselves.
A couple of moms who
went “big picture” on the whole thing:
Given the business in which
our kids are in, it is IMPOSSIBLE to prevent their photos from inappropriate
use... I'm sure you can find the most innocent, sweet picture on some sicko's
desktop. It makes me sick to my stomach
to even write that…I agree that every child should be dressed age
appropriate. I dislike very much the
"crop top" looks of today you find in the stores starting at size 7…Really? A kids’ size 7…NUTS. Having said all of that, if this is the
"photo shoot" I am thinking you are referring too, I believe that
very day (Editor’s note: I think it was
a couple of days later) a beautiful, positive photo was also taken with
wonderful messages printed on shirts. I agree:
spend that time you are obsessing over what someone else is doing with their
kids and do something positive with your own.
If you truly meant what you
said about not judging other parents then it should apply to every parent -- not
just the ones that we are friends with. That
is going to be something that I will try to work on because I know I have done
it too much.
And just for the fun
of it, a Women’s Studies professor:
Images like this perpetuate the problems women have in
society with not being taken seriously.
As goofy as it is, the Doc McStuffins “look” with a girl wearing a
medical coat is the type of image that can help us move beyond that in the
future. Until the girls are adults and
can make their own decisions about how they are portrayed in the media, parents
should be more mindful of the impact they can have on their girls.
What do you think? Not exactly a balanced collection of responses. So be it, I guess, because they are representative of what feedback I received. I can add more later if I get some other perspectives. Feel free to share my blog, email me at theBizzyMama@gmail.com, comment here, or speak out on my facebook page, The Bizzy Mama. I had over 400 hits on the blog yesterday -- thank you!
Next time: I'll go back to stories about getting started in the modeling biz.